this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
