How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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