Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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