so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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