just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i barfeds in our rink
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
