when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
