That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
