Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize