Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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