I'm jealous of your bromance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
