i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
