so explain again why im purple
no
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I stole a fireplace last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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