I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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