Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
