The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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