It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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