i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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