Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
