Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
