farters have to be the big spoon...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
