Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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