i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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