I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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