Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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