Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
