Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
