I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
