I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
