You really coming over, don't trick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
