Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
