Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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