I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
