if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it's like heaven, but drunker
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
