I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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