Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
