help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
