This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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