I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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