I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She bit a glass in half.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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