You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
