Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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