seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
