Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
