I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
