if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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