i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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