I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
