Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
