My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
