i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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