whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
