She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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