i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
