How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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