Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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