I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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