Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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