Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
