the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
