I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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