she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
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