Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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