Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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