I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
