if i can run in heels then i can drive
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
