Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
