don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
