I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Randomize
