he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
