yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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